He leaned over, his eyes boring into mine and said, " Every other girl has lost her color, you're the only girl that I can see. You're the only one in color for me."

 

"Wow", I said, raising both eybrows, "That's probably one of the best complements anyone has ever given me."

The air was growing cold as the sun set far away on the horizon. Too far away. It let the air chill me to the bone. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, willing myself to retain warmth. Wearing only a sweater and jeans, it was almost impossible.

I began to walk again and my shoes made soggy crunching sounds in the dry leaves that littered the sidewalk. I found this sound almost pleasurable against the quietness of the ending of such a day. It was the only hint of pleasure I felt at this moment. A car drove up the street and drove by in slow motion. I could barely hear it and did not care to turn and watch it. I was almost shivering, but I didn't care. There was nothing to hurry for.

I felt a lump in my throat, and decided to change the subject in my head. A dog barked way off in the distance, and I  thought, "Do dogs always sound that sorrowful?" Suddenly I realized I had stopped walking and was standing motionless, staring into the darkening sky. A shiver took hold but I was so far removed from the cold, and from myself, I could only feel it as if it were a memory. A vaguely unpleasant, fuzzy memory.

I looked down the street that I lived on. It seemed so long and cold. I remembered the day we had moved in, so sunny and happy. Ok, time to change the subject again. Darkness was reaching its icy fingers out now. I could see my breath in the air, coming out in puffs of steam. Funny, I felt as cold as the earth around me, and I still had white clouds coming from my breath.

The daylight was all but gone, and I had not made it home yet. In fact, I had only gone about 100 feet since I waved goodbye to the dying sun. Now it was just me and the cold darkness. I felt a drop hit my hand and thought, " Great! It's raining again.." But I realized that it had come from my face. I hadn't realized that I had been crying. The lump in my throat was back, and I began to walk a little faster.

The house loomed ahead of me, dark and hollow. I stood at the gate, not wanting to go into that empty darkness. The tears were coming now, but I couldn't feel them...I couldn't feel anything any more. There was nobody else in that house. Nobody needing me to listen, or wanting me to help. Nobody to tell how I felt. I numbly walked through the gate, and down the walk. I touched the doorknob and twisted. The end came too quickly, and I was ready now.

These days,

we have to weigh our options
take the lesser of evils
pick which has the least negative possibilities

These days,

I feel like staying in my room
just so I don't have to deal
with other people's misguided anger

These days,

tears come often
it's just another day
of not much opportunity

These days,

it's hard to see the light
at the end
of the hypothetical tunnel

These days,

I try to stay positive
when there's too much negative
and so much hopelessness

These days,

I cannot breathe
I cannot think
I can't get away


I've gotta get out of here.